Miercurea fara cuvinte…Halloween is coming…..
WORDLESS WEDNESDAY STARTS HERE
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Letter to a dead lover….
Dear Dead Lover,
I am sorry to inform you of this, but you are dead. Do not be confused by what may appear to be normal signs of life: breathing, a pulse, a thought. I have diagnosed you and you are certainly, unequivocally, without a doubt dead. There will be no eulogy, no funeral. I have buried you in the region of my body farthest from my head. I believe that this is somewhere in the feet, possibly in one of the toes, but the exact location is unknown and better left undisclosed.
I have done this because thinking of you has caused me anguish. I have spent hours reflecting on our time together and this is the right moment to put it all away. I will build walls around every emotion, minor or significant, that I have ever felt for you. They will be strong walls, made from each moment in which you slighted me. I will cut you from every meaningful event we attended together. I will do it with such precision that it will be as if you were never there and, upon recollection, no one, not even your parents or best friends, will notice your absence. As a result, my heart will harden.
I do this not with malice, but with regret. Sometimes I think that, if I were stronger, you could still be alive. I am weak. I cannot bear the moment you will appear in my mind. My mind will play tricks on me, it will deceive me, it will make me miss you. I cannot let it do this. This isn’t fair—I know that this isn’t fair. I must do what I can to cope. I have enough to worry about. I can’t chance that you will appear at random or, perhaps, when I am most vulnerable.
The others who talk of you, they will become quiet when I am around. They will ask me how my day is going, but with a look that makes me feel distraught. I won’t get upset; I will have expected this to happen. Instead, I will feel the need to smoke a cigarette, though I have never smoked one before. I may ask them for one in an effort to change the conversation.
Sometimes I will think about the good moments. How excited you were when we first met. How my heart thumped the first time we laid down together and you casually draped your arm over me. When you put your hand inside my mitten that cold night just so you could hold mine. When you said that “that sound” I make is your favorite sound. When I did anything that was your favorite. When I realized that, for once, I found someone like myself who enjoyed my company, my thoughts, my expressions.
These thoughts, though, will appear during moments of weakness and be fleeting. They will not last. They will be quickly replaced by the feeling of insignificance you put upon me, a darkness that will cloud my mind and cause me to shudder, just as I do when a chill blows by. There will be the memory of you being incapable of returning my love. The memory of how I failed to keep you close. The memory of you telling me, on the drive home to our apartment, that you no longer loved me and how you did this without remorse or any expression at all.
If my life is a book, then there is no chapter for you. You are not scribbled in the margin and you are nowhere to be found in the first draft. You are not even a Post-It note in my research. You are a scrap of paper in my pocket. You are no better or worse than the other scraps around you, buried deep in my pockets. Over time, you will become one with the others, just a collective, forgotten memory.
A number of months from now I will meet someone else. Someone who reminds me why it is I love humanity. Someone who makes me laugh when you could not, someone who understands my thoughts better than you ever did. Someone who doesn’t make me feel bad about myself when I wake up in the morning. Then you will be gone, possibly forever. Until that time, this letter will suffice.
Dead lover, I am sorry for this. I am sorry for all of it. I hope that you will understand.
Kindly, Regretfully,
Your Ex-Lover
PS: I write this with sincerity, so it would be unfair to exclude that, at times, I will wonder where you are now. In moments of weakness, I will type your name into Facebook to see how you’ve changed. There will be times when I will look at my Gmail account and briefly un-hide your name in the chat window, just to see if you still exist. These will be sorry reminders. You will always be there. I do not know if I will have the courage to say, “how are you?”
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MARK POWELL….
I have been working primarily on creating miniature environments where imaginary beings evolve, devolve, consume, excrete, multiply and decay.
When darkness falls….
Try for a moment to imagine a personal world drained of emotion, a world where perspective disappears. Where strangers, friends, family, and lovers are all held in similar affection, where the events of the day have no obvious priority. There is no guide to deciding which task is most important, which dress to wear, what food to eat. Life is without meaning and with meaning has gone motivation. This colorless state of being—the very antithesis of the emotional outpouring experienced in grief—is exactly what happens to some victims of severe melancholic depression. Emotion drains away to be replaced by a visceral void.
When Darkness Falls
One large dark cloud in the sky
It can’t touch me from so high
Suddenly there is a crash
Then lightening begins to flash
Howling winds whip all around
I search for shelter but none is found 
Running, unable to escape
Darkness covers me like a cape
Bullets of rain pelt my skin
I am cold from deep within
Alone I shiver in the dark night
Now too tired to scream or fight
© Jen Diamond , 2003
Cheating….
If there is something that chills me to the bone then this is it…
Signs She’s Cheating
1. She has detached herself from your family and friends. She is feeling guilty and finds it too hard to face your family and friends. You may even feel your spouse or girlfriend acting distant towards you.
2. A “friend” has come into the mix. You hear more and more of this friend but get no details when you ask about him. “He’s only a friend!” or is he?
3. Her priorities have shifted drastically away from you. Your regular outings with her are not too regular anymore. Her new affair will require more time. You lose out!
4. She lashes out at you whenever she can. By finding a reason to lash out, she is easing her guilt while almost justifying her cheating ways.
5.She becomes defensive when you ask “Why did it take you 5 hours to go to the grocery store?” You get the picture. She answers you with a question to give herself more time to answer how she “needs” to. You will start to notice that her answers aren’t adding up all the time.
6. Her physical appearance and style has changed overnight. Just like she use to “dress up” when you started dating, she will feel the need to impress her new man. Her style has started to conform to his.
7. Her conversations no longer start with “We”; they have been substituted with “I”. Where your opinion use to mean the world to her, it no longer is needed before she acts. (Ex. Comes home with a new super short hair dew without asking you, where she would have never done something so drastic without consulting with you in the good old days)
8. The Sex drops off! It always does. Where it is more likely for a man to have an affair without the emotional attachment, a woman will almost feel like it’s wrong to have sex with her fading boyfriend while in this new affair. Once again, you lose out!
9. She’s not in the mood to “blank” with you, but the second a friend calls she is ready to go “blanking”. This away time allows her to communicate with her new man.
10. What’s worse than when she nags at you constantly? You got it! She doesn’t seem to care anymore what you are doing or what’s going on in your life. (Ex. Doesn’t mention how proud she is for you getting your promotion where she would have been all over that in the past.)
And there are more signs of course….
Signs of Cheating Men
1. You get that gut feeling that tells you he’s cheating on you. Things just aren’t adding up. You all of sudden feel the need to go through his belongings almost expecting to find something.
2. When you question your man he gets very defensive. He might even get mad at you to throw you off. He is hoping that you will put your thoughts of infidelity to rest if you are afraid to ask about it.
3. His stories aren’t making sense. This is because he will make up a story at that time and for the moment not realizing that the date or times don’t add up. He will sometimes forget what he told 3 days ago. So make a mental note and ask again casually in 3 days. Work will seem to pop up a lot to cover time lapses. This is classic. I was the hardest working man when I was cheating!
4. You are feeling that dis-connected feeling within your relationship. Remember that see-saw back in the school yard. When one side went up, you know where the other side was. This is usually the same when your mate is having an affair. Many times there is a deeper problem in the relationship that would need to be fixed anyhow if you are to truly be happy. Although you are not to blame for someone stepping out on a relationship, infidelity is usually a symptom of a deeper problem.
5. You discover e-mail accounts that you didn’t know existed. He will refuse to give you access to his email account. He’s not stupid! Is he?
6. He doesn’t invite you around his friends, company events, and other social activities. Is he cheating at work? It can be worse than a nightclub. There will probably be less of a chance that he is cheating at a night club.
7. Unusual mood swings. These are one of many signs of cheating men that is caused by the internal conflict and struggle that you man is going through during his time of infidelity.
8. The sex frequency has changed! Yup, I remember a conversation with a man in a night club many years ago and what he told me was.
“If you remember one thing, remember that if your wife is use to having sex 3 times a week, it should never fall below 3.It can be more sometimes but never less!”
and of course there are more signs…..
The Darkness In That Night
© Josh
A chill in the air awoke him
And he pulled his blankets tight
The booze was running strong
It had been a good night
He felt sick and tried to sleep again
Relaxed and breathed a sigh
The room was dark and silent
And he could still taste the rye
He laid there dazed and lazy
But something was not right
He felt the need to investigate
The darkness in that night
He sat up and rubbed his eyes
And looked over at his side
When he didn’t see her
A fear crept up inside
He knew something was wrong
She is never up this late
Now his curiosity
Would make him investigate
He strained his ears to listen
Hoping he could hear her
But couldn’t hear a thing
Only his heart beating fear
He stood up and walked to the door
And pause one more time
Again he heard no sound
But saw a dull lights shine
It came from downstairs somewhere
And he knew she must be here
He went down the stairs to find her
And grab another beer
He went down the stairs slowly
And turned the corner to the hall
Took two steps to the kitchen
Two steps that was all
He stopped and stood silent
His body frozen in shock
His mind trying to comprehend
As time ticked off the clock
He watched the look of pleasure
The passion in her eye
As she took everything he had
And gave it to another guy
His body began to tremble
His emotions ran hot
He was going to kill them
Right there on the spot
He walked into the kitchen
And tried to grab a knife
He wasn’t going to listen
Just going to take their life
They heard him open drawers
And panic filled the air
They were caught red handed
But could only just stand there
He screamed at them and threatened
And smashed everything in sight
This was it for him
He would deal with this tonight
She tried to walk up and grab him
But something held her in place
She knew something was wrong
By the pain on his face
He fell down on the floor
Overwhelmed with grief
He knew it was too much
He would find no relief
The pain was too much for him
And he began to fade
The anger in his blood
Spilling out along his blade
All the screams became silent
And he felt no more fear
This day would never shine on him
For he would not be here
He prayed the dark would come
And take him away
He would not have to feel this
For even one lonely day
His body shook and he knew
That his time was near
When she came to hold him
And whispered in his ear
I’m sorry love, you know I am
Please don’t leave me now
I’m so sorry, please don’t die
Ill make it up some how
She told the man to call for help
And tried to save his life
His last words to her were
I wanted you to be my wife
Nightmare…
Walking the streets when darkness prevails,
And evil lurks around in sinister ways,
Even goodness seems shut up,
Secure behind closed doors!!
The drunk weaves hazy patterns, 
Through the quiet streets,
Snarling and muttering aloud,
At the strange sounds of his feet!
Murder seems to sneak around,
In different costumes clean, 
Intents hidden in normal tones,
Guns and knives unseen!
Thievery slides in suddenly close,
To rip off the heavy purse,
And strip off the precious things,
That you have slogged to have….
The cheat swaggers on the street,
Having had his fill,
While the poor wife awaits him,
With a steak still warm on the grill!
Stealthily he gets so close, 
Too close for any comfort,
He whispers in a hoarse voice,
Asks why I am alone…
Can he accompany me,
And be my chaperone,
My Walk now turns into a jog,
And he is close behind!
I break into a steady run
My elbow, he does find!
Turns me around and glares at me,
His hand on my throat!
I croak out a muffled scream, 
Breaking out in cold sweat,
Eyes fly open and I see,
That I am in my bed!
Still shaking but now comforted,
Pale face slowly turning red,
Knowing it is just a dream,
I am laughing now instead!!
In the night…
“Oh goodness gracious no!”
The screams of anguish and terror would not decrease.
The torment, the tempest of terror
Would only increase.
The inescapable escape
Was bound to occur
The devil kin inside,
she would inevitably release.
Mariela,
Her screams were not heard
No aid was to come.
For her shrieks were just high-pitched squeaks
Inaudible to the human ear.
Her flesh began to rip
Right down her middle.
Lacerations made with razor like nails
On fingers that caused intentional pain.
The jeers and the jitters
of those demonic critters,
Were both eerie and shudder some
But again quite inaudible
to the listening human ear.
Empty of guilt those little
And hairy
creatures quite scary
Nightmarish and shocking,
Went about the chopping
Of the life they had taken
And the body forsaken.
Onto the fire with a
Hiss and a Crackle,
Mariela’s mis fortunate body
Now but bits
And sections
Left with naught connections.
The grim and the gruesome
The cruel and obnoxious
Those little
And hairy
Creatures quite scary,
Now set loose
And quite clearly
Meant not to help
But to hinder,
With murder and bloodshed
Butchery and destruction.
The innocent and gullible
Victims unaware
Of the fowl and unfair
Little and hairy
Creatures quite scary,
Set loose from Mariela
Whose life was forsaken
And body taken
To the flame long since extinguished
by those Little And Hairy
Creatures quite scary.
Animation above by me 🙂
INTO THE ABYSS……
Into the abyss
Into the abyss he plunges, regardless of the dangers ahead. He dives deeper and deeper into the darkness that lies below. His journey seems never ending, He doesn’t know what he is going to find. As darkness surrounds him He cannot see the light. My heart begins to race, My nerves begin to shatter, For if he finds the truth Will it even matter?. As he looks closely, My eyes begin to tear. If he doesn’t feel the same My life would end here. Here in the abyss It lies, so deep it cannot be seen. It’s getting harder to understand Why my feelings lay here. As he plunges deeper, deeper into my abyss. I can feel some light emerging It is then I close my eyes. I can feel the light erupting into the darkness above, My hearts gallop rising, His discovery unheard before. As he waits upon my pause My breath I start to lose. The crack of light that began to emerge is now lighting up the ocean. Every thing that was once untold Is finally out in the open.Poem above found here
androxa 